You know the old line about the inmates running the asylum? Well, the asylum's been handing out engineering degrees, and the inmates are now running BMW, Cadillac, and Porsche. Meet the Unicorns -- three cars, in the words of Raoul Duke, too weird to live and too rare to die. Each is a manifestation of a novel concept: maximum performance mated to oodles of capacity and practicality. All three vehicles are also patently absurd, in the very best possible sense of the word-so bizarre that we had to road-trip them to the only American city capable of standing up to this trio's epic level of whoa: Las Vegas.

First, an over-the-top snack. Hubert Keller's Burger Bar in the Mandalay Bay serves something called the Rossini. This umami-laced indulgence features Kobe beef, sautéed foie gras, shaved truffles, and an onion bun. It's served with a reduced brown sauce and -- wait for it -- costs $60. At first blush, you might think the Rossini a grotesque waste of money. That proves you've never tasted it, because if its borderline-obscene flavors had passed your lips, you'd agree (with me) that the price is entirely justified. I had but one bite ($8 worth), and 72 hours later I'm still dreaming about the taste. Associate road test editor Carlos Lago, the man with the solid-brass cojones big enough to order one, is still grinning and making post-coital noises.

The 2011 Porsche Panamera is similarly stacked. The $164,145 as-tested price might initially seem preposterous, but please consider all it comes with. There's the 500-horsepower twin-turbo V-8, which, thanks to the optional Sport Chrono Package Plus, makes 568 pound-feet of torque instead of the 516 pound-feet found in the "regular" Pan-Turb. Then there are the intelligent and viciously prompt seven-speed dual-clutch PDK transmission, the soldiery AWD system, the ability to transport four real (and big) adults in Onassisian luxury and borderline salacious comfort, plus a rear wing that not only automatically rises up at 75 mph, but splits itself in half as it extends. So cool! Seriously, 12-year-olds have been dreaming about that last part since cars were invented. The Porsche's level of decadence is on par with not only Keller's excessive burger, but also the latter days of the Roman Empire.